Learn to Trust Again

If you want a second date - you are going to have to learn to trust again.

Trouble is, most singles don’t trust people anymore. They always think they want something from me and consequently can’t get past a superficial relationship.

How do you deal with this? What is wrong with this thinking? You can’t make friends with this attitude. If you don’t want to be a loner all my life, you’ll have to change your thinking.

Let this be your dating guide. There is nothing wrong with your thinking. You are reacting to past experiences and feelings. This is natural. My goodness, how would anyone react after being hurt? Any one of us would have issues to deal with after an bad relationship experience. You will need to trust again at some point.

Like most things in life, trusting people comes with time and experience. This is why a cooling off period is suggested for someone coming off of a bad relationships. You are worried more about being able to trust, than what to wear on first date. Bigger fish to fry!

There will be some people in this world that will break your trust. This is something you must accept and you probably have a head start on this one. When you encounter someone like this, don’t get discouraged, feel sorry for him or her and move on. That person will never find true happiness until they learn to treat people with respect.

Nobody is born mistrusting other people. You learned to hold back your complete trust the first time, or the second time, or the third time you got hurt for trusting someone who was less than honest with you. The situation you were in was something you need to get over. Use it as a learning tool - recognize signs that remind you of your past experience - but be careful not to paint everything with this brush!

When you recognize a behavior that reminds you of the past, the first thing is to separate these things in your mind. The world you are in now is not the world you were in with your previous partner. They are completely different circumstances and you must try to separate them to trust again.

While in the last relationship, you learned that if you didn’t trust, you wouldn’t be blindsided when a relationship failed. Holding back, saving you the pain, protecting yourself, became very important and in some circumstances, vital. You knew no one could hurt you, really, really, badly, as long as you didn’t put your trust in them. You felt secure in knowing no one could ever hurt you badly, as long as you made sure they were kept at a distance until you could trust again.

But the reality is, that was a different time, and an environment that you are no longer a part of. Now, you must escape from it completely, and leave it behind for good. Do not however, try to erase it from your mind. Embrace the experience. Know that if it had to happen to you, maybe there was a reason, some higher calling, and it brought you where you are now.

Now you are safe, and back in the real world. Without placing faith in others, without trusting, even if it may cause you to ultimately get hurt, you’ll never experience complete love. Get to a place where your biggest worry is what to wear on first date.

Love and trust are partners; they work together. No matter how many times you may be hurt by people who trample the trust you place in them, you owe it to yourself to bestow the ultimate trust on the next person you choose to befriend. Choose wisely and placing trust will not be so difficult to do.

I know it is hard to trust sometimes, but it is well worth the potential hurt, and yes, there may be some hurt. There is no reward without some risk. Look at all of those Bachelors and Bachelorettes who were sent home because they wouldn’t open up? Trusting takes two and all you can ever do is hold up your side and trust the other person enough to do the same.

So how do you trust people? The bottom line is, trust is a decision. You must decide to let go of your fears and doubts, and trust other people. Henry Stimson once said, “The chief lesson I have learned in a long life is that the only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him; and the surest way to make him untrustworthy is to distrust him and show your distrust.”

All things in life start with a decision. Once you decide to start to trust again, it will get easier. Each time you trust another person, you will feel rewarded and warm inside. When someone breaks that trust, know in your heart that you did the right thing by giving that person the benefit of the doubt. We can’t control what others will do, but we can control how we react to it.

When you start thinking about those negative memories of the past, do something to change your focus, no matter what that might be. For me, I simply think of a memory, real or imagined that makes me smile. Try anything to jolt your mind off the bad images. Then fill your mind with pleasant thoughts and images, and before long, all the “bad stuff” will start to fade, but yes, it takes time. You will never forget it, but it won’t affect you like it does now. It will just pass away like a faded memory.

Do these things and you will see positive things begin to happen. But more importantly, know in your heart, that you are a greater person, because of what happened to you. Now the only question remains: will it defeat you, or will it make you stronger? Since you are questioning it, and reaching out to others for advice, I know it has already made you stronger. Remember, to trust is only a decision; to be free will be the result.

Learn the 21 Secrets to Getting a Second Date